dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
