he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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