This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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