There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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