I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
