SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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