I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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