Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
