Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
