Will you blow on my dice?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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