I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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