yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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