you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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