Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
