Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
