The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
