you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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