She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
