He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
