i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
