When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
