3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize