He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
