I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
