there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize