Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
