I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
