you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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