Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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