oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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