Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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