Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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