you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
