If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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