wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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