Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
