just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
