i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize