yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
