wanna go halves on a baby?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
