I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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