Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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