dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
