i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
