What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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