Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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