OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
