38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
