i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
