not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
