just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
