I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
