mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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