You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
