she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
