haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
