Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
