He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
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Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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