i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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