Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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