Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
