Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
