i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
