yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
