Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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