i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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