Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
