how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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