My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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