We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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