remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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