took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
