alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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